In today’s era of abundance, we have numerous options to choose from, leading to stress and unfulfilled lives. The stress comes from trying to do it all, focusing on all the options and opportunities at once. This leads to burnout and spreading ourselves too thin. Instead, we should focus on what is important to us and avoid focusing on other aspects. By focusing on what truly matters, we can find happiness and fulfillment in life.
Life is a struggle, and finding the right struggle is crucial. What is your ultimate goal, or the achievement you want to write on your headstone? While vague ambitions may seem like a good start, they don’t motivate you to strive for success. Achieving your goals requires hard work, perseverance, and setbacks, which can be difficult to overcome. Without a goal you’re determined to achieve, you’ll struggle in the face of adversity.
For example, if you want to become a CEO, you’ll struggle with the hard work and adversity. However, if you’re passionate about it, you’ll be undeterred by the constant battle and grow to love it.
Finding something worth struggling for is essential. Identifying what you enjoy doing can make you undeterred by the constant battle and grow to love it. For example, the author’s dating-advice blog was a challenge at first, but it eventually paid off, gaining hundreds of thousands of subscribers and earning him a full-time job.
There’s no point in seeking an easy life without adversity. Finding a goal that you want to struggle for is the only way to get ahead. It’s also important to say no to all struggles and tasks that don’t bring you joy. Be ruthless and focus on the few great things in life, not focusing on everything else.
Suffering can lead to Self Awareness’
The art world often portrays artists as poverty-stricken and underappreciated, but this stereotype is more accurate than one might think. Dave Mustaine, a guitarist, was thrown out of his band when they were on the cusp of fame in 1983. He worked tirelessly to improve his skills and found musicians to form Megadeth, a popular band that sold over 25 million records. Despite the success of Megadeth, Mustaine was still unhappiness, as he continued to judge his success against the achievements of his former band, Metallica. This led him to consider himself a failure.
Pete Best is another example of how the right values can lead to happiness. Like Mustaine, Best was kicked out of The Beatles, the biggest band of all time. Watching his former bandmates reach the top, Best fell into a deep depression. However, he switched his values and realized that what he really wanted in life was a loving family and a happy home life. He didn’t want musical success or the lack of it to define his life. This refocusing led to a happy, fulfilled life, and Best even went back to enjoying making music again, this time for less successful bands.
In conclusion, our values are more important than success when it comes to happiness. Finding the right values to live by can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Avoid Shitty Values
Shitty values, such as comparing oneself to others and chasing pleasure, can lead to disappointment and hinder happiness. Pursuit of material success, such as a bigger car or a Rolex, is not healthy and can lead to anxiety and depression. Studies show that pursuing wealth over values like family, honesty, or integrity can have detrimental effects. To avoid shitty values, it is essential to identify worthwhile values that are based in reality, helpful to society, and have an immediate and controllable effect.
Honesty is a great value to live by as it is based in reality and provides truthful feedback to others. Other values that fulfill these criteria include creativity, generosity, and humility. By avoiding shitty values, individuals can focus on living a fulfilling life and avoiding the negative effects of chasing wealth over essential values like family, honesty, and integrity. By focusing on these values, individuals can avoid being blindly hedonistic or covetous, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and fulfilling life.
Take Full Responsibility of Your Life
Many people feel like victims of life circumstances, such as failed job interviews, rejections from loved ones, or missed buses. This can lead to feelings of compulsion and detest for the experience. William James, born into a wealthy family in nineteenth-century America, experienced ill-health and struggled with his dream of becoming a painter. He pursued a career in medicine but dropped out of medical school. Unwell and unhappy, James considered suicide. However, he read about philosopher Charles Peirce’s work, which emphasized taking 100% responsibility for one’s life.
James realized that his misery stemmed from his belief that he was a victim of outside influences. He blamed his situation on things he couldn’t control, making him feel powerless. By realizing that he was responsible for his life and actions, he started afresh and became a pioneer in American psychology.
If you ever feel like a victim, remember William James and take responsibility for your own life. Imagine being dumped by your partner and focusing on how you were responsible for the relationship’s failure. By realizing and working on your mistakes, you can avoid them in the future and live a better, happier life.
Identity is an Illusion
Manson’s Law of Avoidance, which refers to the tendency to flee when our identity is threatened, can be a hindrance to personal growth and success. Many people avoid risks that threaten their identity, such as being a senior manager at a prestigious company. However, practicing Buddhism can help mitigate the negatives of Manson’s Law of Avoidance. Buddhism teaches that identity is an illusion, and labels we give ourselves are mental constructs that aren’t real. We should learn to let go of our identity and let go of the labels we give ourselves.
Liberating ourselves from an identity can be a wonderful experience. For example, if we have always considered ourselves career-minded, we may have prioritized our job over our family and hobbies. By freeing ourselves from this constraining self-image, we can pursue whatever makes us happy, such as spending time with our children or making model airplanes. By practicing Buddhism, we can learn to let go of our identity and pursue the things that make us happy, such as spending time with our children or making model airplanes.
Accept Your Mistakes
Accepting your mistakes and insecurities is crucial for positive change. We all suffer from the delusion that we are correct when we are not. For example, a friend’s fiancée’s brother constantly criticizes his sister’s choice of partner, believing her fiancé will hurt her. Most people knew the brother was wrong, but they couldn’t get him to entertain the possibility of acting delusional.
To avoid acting like this brother, it’s essential to ask yourself whether you’re wrong repeatedly. This helps overcome blind spots where you wrongly think you’re right. False beliefs often cover up our insecurities, so constantly questioning our decisions and actions can uncover uncomfortable truths about ourselves.
The hypercritical brother’s dislike of the groom-to-be may have been hiding his own insecurities, such as envy or jealousy. By being ready to question your beliefs and face your insecurities, you can behave in a healthier, happier way.
Romantic Love is Dangerous Unless..
Romantic love can be destructive unless we learn to control it. Romeo and Juliet is a famous love story that highlights the destructive power of romantic love, with studies showing that passionate relationships have a stimulating effect on the brain similar to cocaine. Romantic love was well-known in Shakespeare’s time, and relationships were based on the skill sets of both partners rather than their passionate love for each other.
However, romantic love can be either unhealthy or healthy depending on whether it fulfills specific criteria. Unhealthy love occurs when each partner uses the relationship to run away from their problems, such as being unhappy with their lives. Healthy love exists when both partners are wholly invested in the relationship, devoted to each other, and offer support to their significant other. However, this support must be desired. If a partner oversteps boundaries and seeks to control the other, problems will ensue. If one partner seeks to dominate the other, this is clear evidence of unhealthy love.
In conclusion, romantic love can be either unhealthy or healthy depending on the specific criteria. It is essential to learn to control romantic love and maintain a healthy relationship to avoid heartbreak and negative consequences.
Humans are terrified of Death
Humans are terrified of death and try to live on beyond it, as they are doomed to die one day. Ernest Becker’s influential book, The Denial of Death, presents two main ideas about this fear: 1) humans are capable of thinking about hypothetical situations, such as choosing a different subject in college or becoming a pharmacist, and 2) humans seek immortality projects, such as making a mark in religion, politics, or business.
This desire for immortality has caused war, destruction, and misery, as well as stress and anxiety for individuals. The desperate urge to make a mark can lead to stress and anxiety. To combat this, we must stop striving for immortality and focus on the present, finding meaning in the present and spreading happiness and joy.
Not giving a fuck should not be limited to thoughts of death; trying to be all things to everyone leads to pain. To pursue a happy life, focus on the things you enjoy, such as the joyful struggle or healthy relationships, rather than focusing on others. Everything else is a pointless distraction.
In conclusion, the fear of death and the desire for immortality can lead to societal problems and a focus on the present, rather than the future.
What you should do ?
To reduce stress and unhappiness, it is crucial to focus on what truly matters and develop a constructive approach to work, love, and life. To do this, forget the fear of missing out (FOMO) and say “no” to everything else. Focusing on the right things is more important than having the perfect career, family time, and time for surfing. Choose what is important to you and ignore the rest. Be ruthless in your approach, following the example of CEO multimillionaire Mohamed El-Erian, who resigned from his lucrative job to spend more time with his daughter. This will help you prioritize what truly matters and avoid the negative aspects of life.